With God on my shoulder....

After a string of recent unfortunate events I confess, I started to doubt my faith. I felt under attack from a force much stronger than I could handle, a force so cruel and evil, perhaps even Satan.

As fast as I was running, this force was gaining on me and I feared it wouldn't be long before it caught me. People I care about were turning on me, plans were falling apart before me, my sanity was being challenged. This enemy had backed me into a corner and I saw no way of getting out.

I got in my car and drove, with no idea of where I was heading. Hurt, upset and disconnected from any help, I had to move, fast. After driving through a few sets of traffic lights, I thought it odd that despite all the turmoil I felt myself engulfed in, the traffic lights were changing to green each time I approached them. Putting it down to a stroke of luck, I continued to drive. But each time the lights repeated this pattern. Erasing the colour red - associated with Satan, sin, guilt, and anger- and illuminating the colour green - associated with hope and growth. It seems there was a blatant sign being thrust towards me.

Unfortunately however, this sign wasn't strong enough. It did play on my mind a lot but paranoia had set in by this stage and was reluctant to leave. I began to wonder, could this be the devil in disguise? Could he be trying to fool me into thinking this was God just to get me on side? These questions, amongst others swam around my head for hours. The gates were locking out anything positive and keeping captive the negative, self destructive notions.

On waking, I felt no clearer. The fog of confusion and doubt clouded my vision, causing me to stumble hesitantly through the day. By the afternoon, I decided to go for another drive. I was startled to discover a dove nestled on the roof of the car. I expected it to fly off as I drew closer to the car but it remained seated, looking at me and blinking, quite calm. And it remained this way for 10minutes until I gently lifted it from the roof onto the grass. My head became monopolised with questions. Could this be God? Could He be reminding me that despite my doubts, He's still sticking with me? Could He really be this patient and determined? Am I worthy of saving?

It occurred to me that God knows exactly what to do to make me listen. He knows each of us so well and he has personalised our relationship with Him. After all, it has been said that God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows that while one person responds well to prayer, another person might welcome a more physical relationship, one with visual signs and stimuli.

When we are faced with evil, we needn't feel imprisoned. We already have the adequate armor and weaponry necessary to win. We have God on our shoulder, if we choose to let Him in. Let me end this with a passage from Ephesians 6 which succinctly sums up just how strong our army against evil is, and that with it we have no reason to fear.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

[Ephesians 6:10-20]