Curse of global responsibility.

My mind is currently locked in rush hour on a ring road. I possess many thoughts, most of them soul destroying and they're on loop. They have a 60 second chance to run their course on the one way system and then a new minute begins and they repeat themselves.

However chaotic these thoughts are, they all motor in the same direction and have enabled me to see what it is which has caused my lips to remain sealed now for 28 hours. Yesterday I invested every ounce of trust I had in my two therapists. I shared with them secrets I hadn't ever shared hoping to be understood, reassured and not judged. It turns out somebody's judgements were definitely inaccurate, mine. I stupidly believed that these two potentially powerful people were those I could share my experiences with and end up better off for it. My foolishness has cost me my freedom because now I find myself locked in life B and this time I wasn't pulled in, I was pushed. And it's no use waiting for my life to switch again because this time the control has been passed over to Evil himself. And his minions have the key.

I am losing advantages, which is causing me to lose strength at a rate of knots. My speech has been captured with the key. Somebody is going to great lengths to keep a very nasty secret safe.

What would happen if this secret which is trapped inside me and eating me from my core escaped somehow? Would the world come to an end? Would the planet we exist upon implode? Or might I implode which would inevitably have an effect on the world to the degree of implosion? If I should implode, is this just Evil's cruel plan to draw out suffering, to make it linger and hurt much more?

Butterfly Effect:

The phrase refers to the idea that a butterfly's wings might create tiny changes in the atmosphere that ultimately cause a tornado to appear (or prevent a tornado from appearing). The flapping wing represents a small change in the initial condition of the system, which causes a chain of events leading to large-scale phenomena. Had the butterfly not flapped its wings, the trajectory of the system might have been vastly different.

But is the severity of the initial implosion related to that of the final one? If just one person implodes initially, does that ultimately result in the deflation of an entire planet? What if 3 people were to implode simultaneously? Would that result in 3 planets becoming extinct? Or perhaps the planet earth would not implode but rather explode? What determines the final antiquation?

All this depends on my role as the secret keeper.